Saturday, April 13, 2013


This has been a hard week for your Diva. Forced marches and extra-long forced marches. I am on a starvation diet after my beloved doctor told me and my mamas that my butt was too big (How rude!). I watched Mama #5613 remove the last of my delicious, beloved pecans from my yard-home (no pecans allowed on a diet). And then, tonight, when I thought things could not get any worse, they did.
This is really embarrassing, but my blog is committed to truth, so I will tell all (with hopes of being a famous, published Diva someday).
Let me start at the with the background info. When I was just a pup, Mama #2 gave me long sticks to chew on. They weren't like the sticks that fall off trees. When I chewed on these sticks, my teeth felt better and the sticks got softer and stickier and better tasting the more I chewed. .
Few things are better than laying on a Mama's lap late at night, chewing on a stick. Especially if it's a stick I snatched from Harley or Maggie and it's nice and soft and sticky. Sometimes when I get a new stick, I hide it quickly. I hide it behind the couch or under a table. Mama #1 laughs if she sees me hide the stick. Sometimes though, she'll unhide my stick and give it to Harley if I steal hers. Usually, I hide my stick and then steal Harley's stick. This way, I can chew one now and I can chew my hidden one later. Your Diva is one smart dog!
My starvation diet must have made me lightheaded (or stupid) tonight. It was late. I really wanted a chewy stick, but Mama #5613 had put up all the sticks. I don't understand why she does this; maybe it's because I took a stick to bed once and propped the gooey, sticky thing against Mama #5613's leg. She shrieked and yelled and threw me out of the bed and took my stick away.
Now, she hides the sticks every night. She cheats. I hide my sticks where I can find them. Sometimes, Maggie or Harley find my hidden sticks. I steal theirs, they steal mine. But she hides the sticks high above my head. Higher than I can jump or climb. Sometimes, she lets evil cat Millie guard the sticks.
Back to tonight. Mama # 5612 was sitting in her usual place on the couch, staring at her big paper thing. Her face was hidden. Everyone else was snoozing. I thought it'd be safe. I thought I could get into my stash and get a stick. I really, really wanted one.
I quietly reached under the couch for my hidden stick. I couldn't find it. I tried again. And again. No luck. Desperately, I dug and pawed and scratched under the couch, searching for the stick I knew was hidden there. Suddenly, Mama #5612 looked up (or was it down) at me. Busted! There I was digging desperately under the couch for a stick. How embarrassing! Now, Mama #5613 was curious. SHE reached under the couch. First, she pulled out a pecan. Drat! I forgot I'd put it there for a midnight snack. She reached again. Another pecan. Again, and pulled out a small stick. "Whew," I thought, "two pecans and a stick. Now she'll stop digging".  But NO, she kept on digging. She pulled out my stick. And my reserve stick. And my extra stick. And my extra, extra stick. She laid them out on the floor, and made an evil noise. Did she let me have one? NO! She put them up. She put all of them up high, high out of my reach. She put them up where the evil cat would guard them.
I was so busted.
Note from Mama #5613: Mabel's Rawhide and Pecan stash. She is so busted! (evil chuckle).
Extra note: Mabel is not on a starvation diet. She is limited to eating from her own bowl. She's used to eating her own food and some of Harley's food. Please ignore any emails she sends asking you to send food so she won't starve to death.

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