Saturday, April 20, 2013


There was an assassination attempt on your Diva tonight! It was horrible, and, hours later, I am still shaking.
It's been a long, lonely, weekend. Mama #1 is gone. She hasn't been home since yesterday afternoon. She did contact the Mama formerly known as Mama #2. I heard her voice coming out of the little black thing that the Mama formerly known as #2 stares at a lot and talks at sometimes. The fact is, she abandoned us this weekend.
Late this afternoon, the Mama formerly known as #2, took Maggie out for a forced march. I watched out the window as Maggie strutted away. Maggie loves going on marches by herself. She calls it "alone time," and she loves her alone time. Harley went next. She came home wagging and looking very happy. Then, it was my turn.
Things started out OK. Since this was the Mama's third march, she wasn't moving too fast. I marched slowly and sniffed as I went . The Mama talked nicely to me when we passed the screaming dogs behind fences. They always upset Harley, but I marched bravely past.
Suddenly,  a huge, slobbering, hairy mongrel charged at me! I froze. The Mama watched the dog approach and finally pulled me into her arms. I yelled at the top of my lungs, because, 1) The Mama made this Diva look like a coward by grabbing me like that and 2) That mongrel was trying to kill me! (I'm sure of it!).
We turned and swiftly retreated. Unfortunately, the mongrel was hot on her heels, wagging and jumping. It was definitely an assassination attempt. (It happens with famous people, like me).
After we retreated (with the mongrel hot on our heels), we heard someone call him.  Mama  kept walking and my would-be attacker turned and ran home to his Mama.
I was shaking. I was whimpering  (I have to be completely honest if I'm going to be famous one day. I have to get the truth out there. What if that stupid mongrel publishes a tell-all book one day? The tabloids might have headlines like, "Mabel, the famous Diva. Is she really a shaking, whimpering pup?" I shudder to think about it). Mama was not running, but she should have been. I needed to get home and jump on Harley. (Jumping on Harley calms me down and helps me feel better when I'm upset).
With my attacker out of sight, Mama put me down and talked to me. She told me I was OK. She told me I was brave. She told me I was good and that we were going home now. Good. I couldn't wait to get home for my chewy bone. I figured that I really deserved my chewy bone (and Harley's too).
Once inside, I ran to Harley and told her all about my horrible ordeal. She sympathized, but Maggie gave me the Stink Eye (she has a really, really good Stink Eye) as if she thought I was just trying to get attention. When I got my chewy bone, I chewed out my anxiety. Then I grabbed Harley's bone and chewed some more. Sometimes, you just have to chew.
I climbed onto the couch and contemplated life's mysteries, like, what number did Mama #2 sink to? She did save my life; is she now Mama #1? But then again, she put me in danger by making me march by myself. No one would dare attack this Diva when her faithful bodyguards are present. Hmm, she'll drop to Mama #9734, right after she feeds me tonight.
Practicing a defensive move with Harley, my twin sister. In case you can't tell us apart, I'm the one who is about to snap the head off my attacker (Harley).

Note from Mama #2: Mabel was approached tonight by a friendly Australian Shepherd. She shrieked at the top of her lungs until I picked her up and carried her away. The dog's owner left the gate open. She called the dog home when she heard Mabel shrieking. The dog did sniff Mabel (in a friendly dog way), but otherwise, Mabel was unharmed and is safe at home now. 

1 comment:

  1. Hey Mabel! Do you read the "NOTES" Mamma #2 writes sometimes after your column? She's making this attack sound a smidge TRITE, and I know it was not. You might want to talk to her about this.

    Love you! XOXO And tell Maggie and Harley I love them too! And Sam!