Sunday, June 16, 2013

Weekend Report: Divide and Trouble

My twin sister giving me a kiss. In case you can't tell us apart, I'm the one on the left.
Hello to all my loyal fans; Mabel the Diva here, reporting to you live from my favorite couch.
What a week this has been! Many, many interesting things are going on.
First, I had a return trip to my doctor. Yes, I had to go see Dr. H for my yearly physical. We used to be good friends, but ever since he told the world I had a big butt, he is on my DO NOT list. (you know, DO NOT talk to, DO NOT visit, DO NOT believe, etc). Last time I had to see him, he put me on a diet.
A few weeks ago, I posted that my diet was going well. And it was! I was not hungry at all! I just bumped Harley away from her food bowl whenever I was hungry (Harley didn't mind). I did not feel hungry any more and Harley lost weight. 
Maggie even lost weight. (I didn't bump her away from her food. I am not suicidal). I didn't lose an ounce. Dr. H proclaimed to all that my butt is still too big. 
Mama #1 is watching me closely now; Harley is no longer allowed to share and your Diva is afraid her rib bones will soon be her most prominent feature. 
Next item: Harley is now known as Harley #5000. Yes, the famous Mama rating system has now been applied to Harley. She is in more trouble now than we were when we had the crayon tasting party on Mama #1's favorite comforter. (I'll tell you about that some other time).
What did my dear sister do? She destroyed Mama #2's fan AND it's extension cord. Mama #2's fan is ruined and Harley is in so much trouble! (she is OK physically. When we had our crayon tasting party, we pooped in technicolor for two days! Harley has been watched closely and, I am happy to report, nothing unusual has passed. She is still her healthy self).
Last, but not least, Mama #2 did something very, very cruel to all of us on Thursday; she made each one of us do a forced march by ourselves! She said it would be a "treat" for us and called it "a loan time with the Mama," but, quite frankly, I hated it.
I walked as slowly as I could, but Mama #4239 made me march for miles by myself. She did the same to Harley and Maggie. Solitary forced marches for everyone. Mama #1 was not home that evening, so there was no one we could turn to to end the cruelty.
Ever since the solitary forced marches (Mama #2 calls them "walks"), Harley and I are very careful to do nothing that Mama #2 might not like on our marches (we are marching in our usual ranks since Thursday). We do not bark at cats or other dogs anymore and we do not try to run to the end of our neck ropes. If a strange dog assassin approaches us, we silently and quickly walk quickly away instead of confronting.
So far, this approach appears to please Mama #2. We will see how long we can restrain ourselves before Mama #2 makes us do our forced marches separately again. (She has threatened to do this at least once a week. Mama #1 does not like her to separate us --- because Harley and I should never, ever be apart----and because whoever is left behind makes horrible noises (and really sad doggy faces) whenever Mama #2 isolates us.
That is my week in review. 
Your Diva,
Mabel Ann the Diva poses for the camera. Isn't she gorgeous?

No comments:

Post a Comment