Sunday, March 30, 2014

Maggie the Stinky Dog

Some of my very observant fans noticed that I was not wearing a collar the day I when I was hiding in a very thick bush in my yard.
This is me, Mabel, hiding deep within the bush in my backyard. You can see me if you look very, very closely.
Yes, I went for an entire day without my collar/ID. 
My super smart, but snotty, big sister got into something very stinky.
This is my sister, Maggie. Some people think she looks a lot like me and Harley. Personally, I don't see the resemblance.
Yes, Maggie (the Perfect) came home from our forced march the other day and wandered out into our backyard (after she finished her chewy bone treat).
FYI, we do share our backyard with our 3 cat sisters. You can see them hiding in the background in some of our pictures. (This doesn't really belong in this story, but I wanted to show this horrible picture to everyone).
The evil cat Millie, trying to steal the spotlight from your Diva.
Anyway, Maggie started to patrol our backyard. She looked for unusual things, out of place things, and anything that didn't belong in our yard.
Maggie walked the fence and sniffed. She spoke to the dogs next door, and asked the if they'd seen anything she needed to know.
Once she finished her rounds, Maggie sniffed around for any unusual smells. Well, she found one unusual smell and it was very, very stinky.
You may know that some uncivilized dogs like to roll around in stinky stuff they find. And sometimes, a well-civilized, well behaved dog finds something so wonderfully stinky that they cannot control themselves; they just have to roll in that stinky stuff over and over.
Maggie rolled. In the stinky stuff.
Maggie, right after she rolled in the stinky stuff.
Well, Maggie wasn't thinking straight after she rolled, because she went inside and walked right by Mama #1. 
Mama #1 smelled the stinky Maggie and promptly called Mama #2. 
Mama #2 certified Maggie as "one stinky dog."
Harley and I were having a great time laughing at Maggie, since she thinks she is so perfect and now she was caught doing something very, very wrong (and stinky!).
Maggie was escorted straight into the bathtub, soaked with water and rubbed with white/brown sudsy stuff. After massive amounts of water were poured over her, she was allowed back into the house. 
She did smell much nicer.
Suddenly, Harley was grabbed and shoved into the bathtub. I knew I had to do something about this.
So I, Mabel, did what I had to do.
I promptly took myself somewhere safe, far away from the water and sudsy stuff.
I crawled under a blanket on my favorite comfy couch. 
Harley emerged from the bathroom, smelling very nice.
I had just settled into a nice sleep, because I knew 
1) I, Mabel, did not stink
2) I am still recovering from a back injury. I might be re-injured if I were forced into a bathtub with water and sudsy stuff.
(There's no picture to insert here because I already destroyed all the pictures of myself in the bathtub--with sudsy stuff all over me)
Didn't matter. I was pulled out from under my warm (formerly safe) blanket and unceremoniously watered down.
As soon as I got out of that bathtub and escaped the Mamas, I ran into my safe backyard and hid in the very thick bush. I stayed there all afternoon. I was safe. I had sunshine. No one found me until my bratty older sister found me late in the day. 
Yes, the same older sister who rolled in the stinky stuff and started this entire mess.
I did come back inside the house and forgave my Mamas for pouring water all over me. 
Well, maybe I didn't forgive them completely....
So, that's my story.
Love Y'all,
Your Favorite Diva,

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