Friday, February 21, 2014

We Interrupt this posting......

Tonight, I, Mabel, am a hero.
That's right, a hero.
This is me, Mabel, looking Heroic
The hour was late; the night was dark and it was long past my nightly forced march time. I was on my comfy couch under my magically warm blanket in the midst of my late evening snooze when, suddenly, I heard voices.
No, I mean real voices. Outside. On the back side of my house and territory.
Of course I immediately ran outside and told Harley to follow me. I ran through my back territory and, by the back gate,  in my alley, I saw lights bobbing around.
I have a "Duty to Notify" the Mamas of anything out of the ordinary, so I instructed Harley to begin the "Trouble Nearby" bark sequence. Of course, I joined in, barking in harmony with my sister.
Mama #1 rushed outside immediately to see what was going on. Mama #2 eventually wandered outside too (once she could detach herself from her computer).
I followed the Mamas closely as they went to investigate. Mama #2 listened to the voices in the alley (the ones with the bobbing lights). She peered through the picket fence out into the alley. To her surprise, she didn't see just a dry, dusty alley. It was now a fast flowing, babbling brook/river.
(FYI, it hasn't rained/snowed here recently).
Next, the Mamas marched out to the street (and didn't take me or my sisters!) to look around. Mama #2 did a lot of marching and reported back that all of the nearby streets looked like rivers. She couldn't march across the street without wading through the water. (I have no delusions; my Mama cannot walk on water), so she couldn't find out where the water was coming from.
Mama #1 decided that maybe it was a water line break, so she called to report it. She discovered the City knew about the flooded streets and help was already on the way.
Mama #2 went back outside and took pictures (such a gadget freak!) ---- none were any good. It was just too dark.
Take my word for it; the streets are flooded up to the curbs and our alley is totally under water. You don't need to see any pictures.
It's supposed to get down to 24 degrees tonight. That means lots and lots of ice in the morning. I'm glad I'll get to sleep in, as usual, under my magically warm blanket with my warm and toasty sisters.
I will sleep well tonight, knowing that I am the heroic Diva that discovered the big water line break.
I wonder if I'll get a reward?
Perhaps I'll be on the morning/evening news?
"Mabel, the Famous Diva Dachshund is a neighborhood Hero."
"Mabel, the Nationally Internationally known celebrity, discovers horrible water main break. Makes a daring report, saving hundreds, perhaps thousands, from harm."
Maybe I'll make the cover of Time or People Magazine. Again.
Me, Mabel, on the Cover of Time Magazine.
Well, it could happen...

Friday, February 14, 2014

Exercise, Why?

Hi all, Mabel here. 

Mama #2, the gadget freak, has struck again. 
I am now wearing a gadget.
See the big, black gadget swinging from my neck?
You heard me right. I am now wearing a gadget.
It's not enough that Mama #2 already owns about a million gadgets and that she always tracks how far we march, how fast, and even maps our marching routes.
Well, it's still not enough for gadget crazy Mama #2.
When she came home today and took off my collar, I was curious about what she was doing. Was I going to finally (finally!) getting my adult leather collar? 
She put this thing on my collar, then sat down (ignoring me!) with her computer and tapped away.
Next thing I know, she's dragging me out the door to go marching. Every so often, she stopped the march and looked at my collar.
Are you confused?
I was definitely confused.
We marched to my favorite pond/park and then marched back home. We hadn't even gotten our march reward (chewy bone!) when out came the computer. Mama #2 tapped away, then looked at me and said,
"Mabel, you walked 5692 steps, but it says you didn't even walk an entire mile!"
She told that she'd change my height to 5 feet and see if it'd say I'd marched the many, many miles I know I marched tonight.
And it went on and on, as Mama #2 played with her/my new gadget.
"Mabel, I'm going to sign you up for an online group of dogs who wear gadgets. We can see who moves the most every day!"
I tried to act interested as Mama #2 showed me the other dogs in the group. A Blue Heeler. A Lab. A Greyhound. A Border Collie. And me, a proud Dachshund. Hmmm, I wonder who shows the most activity? Hmmm, let me take a wild guess.....The Border Collie?! 
"Mabel! I can set it up so your activity total posts directly to your Facebook page every day!"
OK. I put my paw down on this one. I waited for Mama #2 to put down her precious computer (and I had to wait a very, very, very long time). I searched for the gadget page, pulled up my account and changed the all settings. And the password.
Nobody tracks the Diva!
What I do on my "off" hours is my business.
Now. Harley, can you chew up this gadget for me?

This is me, Mabel, wearing Mama #2's gadget. 
I am being a good sport about it.
Aren't I a wonderful, understanding Diva?

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Computers and Zombies.

This is me, Mabel. I'm feeling a little anxious about today's topic.
Hi all. Mabel here. Today, I want to have a serious conversation with you about one of today's biggest problems.
They are evil.
Mama #2's evil computer.
I believe they suck people brains out.
At least they suck Mama #2's attention away from.....well, everything.
Even me.
Every night, Mama #2 comes home. Then, she takes me, Harley and Maggie out for a forced march. When we finish marching, she gives each of us a chewy bone (Yum! Chewy Bone!), and settles down on my favorite comfy couch with her computer.
That's it.
She stares at that thing.
That's all she does until it's time to go to bed for the night.
She just stares at that thing.
It's scary.
She looks at it the way I look at my favorite toy or a really mushy piece of rawhide. She looks at it like I look at a special sleeping spot under a magically warm blanket and with as much love as I look at a bowl of delicious food (not diet food) that comes out of a can.
It's just a box. 
And she just stares at it.
Blankly. Not moving or anything.
I've tried laying on the computer and it's not comfortable.
Harley's tried tasting it, and she says it doesn't taste good at all.
(Mama#2 gets mad when she licks it).
I've stared at it with Mama #2, but I don't know what she sees in/on it.
This is Harley and I. We were just pups. At the time, we didn't know the dangers of the laptop.
Then, I saw a TV show about zombies.
I realized then that the computer had sucked out Mama #2's brain and made her a zombie!
And, it controls her.
Poor Mama #2.
I don't think all the healing cuddles Harley or  I can do will cure her.
Maggie says it's hopeless.

Hopeless, Maggie says.
Harley thinks she might be able to eat the computer, if she tries really hard. Or maybe stop it from working.
But last time her computer quit working, after I did my birthday Diva Dance on it, she just brought home another one.
this must be a weird human disease, although Mama #1 seems resistant to it. Mama#2 sometimes tries to infect the other Mama with it (she tries to get her to look at the screen or reads her stuff that she sees on it), but Mama #1 has kept her brains so far. 
Maybe I should let Harley try to eat it or maybe we could just lay on it every time she gets it out.
 Our cat sister, Agnes, laying on Mama #2's computer.
Actually, our cat sister Agnes tried that, and it didn't work. Mama #2 just reached around her and kept on staring at her stupid laptop.
Is there any cure for this horrible computer zombie disease?