Sunday, September 29, 2013

OMG! What a march!

 This is me, Mabel, and my identical twin sister, Harley (I'm the one on the right, just in case you can't tell us apart). We are begging Mama #2 to take us for a forced march. We didn't know the ordeal we were about to face.

Hi, this is your Diva Mabel.
I just returned from a forced march where Mama #9432 tried to kill me repeatedly.
Absolutely true.
I think she's trying to get rid of me so that she can spend more time with her gadgets.
Anyway, here's my horrific story. Last time we talked, I'd just begged Mama #2 to take me and my sisters out marching. We'd been locked up in the house (and yard!) for days. We were bored stiff (we weren't really stiff, it's just an expression) and my sisters Harley and Maggie were about to kill each other, just to have something to do.
We hadn't been out to smell new smells, see new sights, or investigate yards, parks and alleys for days. My nose was rapidly getting out of shape because it hadn't had anything new or unusual to smell.
When Mama #2 finally put on my her marching uniform, we all bounced around and yipped and whined and barked while she put those stupid marching ropes around our necks.
Water had fallen from the sky earlier in the day ("rain"). The roads were wet and big puddles were everywhere. I hate walking on wet roads, (and I usually refuse to walk on anything that's wet)  but I really, really wanted to go marching tonight, so I bravely marched up to each puddle.  Then, I stood patiently and waited for Mama #2 to pick me up and to lift me over each and every puddle.
Can you believe she thought I should jump over the puddles like Maggie does? Or slosh through them like my twin sister Harley?
When we started our march, it was a perfect evening for marching. I felt a cool breeze. The temperature was perfect - not too hot, not too cold. Everything I sniffed smelled sharp and new after the rain.
We marched down the street, sniffing everything and enjoying ourselves. Then, an evil car came racing down the road and zoomed through a nearby puddle. Splash! Water fell everywhere! My beautiful, clean fur coat was spotted with mud. The water drenched Harley's already soggy body, and hit Maggie too.
(Speechless. I felt totally speechless).
I stood in the street, not moving. I expected Mama #2 to get out that little black thing she likes to talk to and ask Mama #1 to come get us and take us home. How could I continue marching when I'm muddy and wet?!
Mama #2002 (Number drop! See how her ranking drops when she treats me badly?!) just tugged on my rope and told me to keep marching.
Mortally and emotionally wounded, I slowly dragged my paws forward. I know I promised to march quickly and not drag my paws tonight, but that's before I was assaulted by a flood of dirty water! Slowly, I moved towards home. 
My ordeal was not over yet. Suddenly, there was a flash of lightening and a rumble of thunder in the distance. Maggie's eyes bugged out and she picked up speed and pulled hard on her leash. "let's go home!" She cried. (My brave <snicker> big sister is scared of thunder!). and when Maggie's eyes bug out, so do Harley's. 
My bug-eyed sisters then ran for the hills (there's not any hills nearby, it's just an expression). 
So, while my buggy sisters are to running as fast as they can go towards home,  the wind starts blowing harder and harder, and, wait for it, suddenly, we were walking into a solid wall of dirt.
I've seen less scary horror movies. But this wasn't a movie, it was horrifyingly real.
Mama #9762 (Number Drop again!!) kept dragging us onward. Dragging our soggy, muddy bodies straight into the dust and lightening and thunder. And, when we knew it couldn't get any worse, it did. Water started to fall from the sky. Do you know what you get when you add rain to a dust? Mud! You get little mud balls. MUD BALLS rained down on us!
After many miles of marching, we finally arrived at home. Home at last! As I dragged my tired Diva self inside, I wanted to head straight for my spot on the couch to recover from this horrible ordeal, but Mama #9992 had other ideas; she dragged us all into the kitchen. She ran water over this paper thing ("paper towel") and wiped down each and every one of us.
How could she add insult to injury? (OK, it did feel good to get that awful dirt and mud off my beautiful fur).
Finally, she took off our neck ropes and gave us a chewy bone. I sat down on the floor in front of Mama #9992 and motioned to my sisters to remain in a tight circle around her while we gleefully ate our rewards for being dragged through water, storms and mud. Sister solidarity! We didn't move from our spots until she gave each of us a second chewy bone.
We deserved it. We deserved the best rewards for marching tonight. 
Remember my latest blog post where I longed to go marching again?
I plan to delete it.
I hate marching.
Here I am, trying to look cheerful and carefree after my latest forced march.

Note from Mama #9992: Mabel calls her walks "forced marches." She believes a walk is voluntary; a march is something that you are made to do. Even though she does like marching, she likes to act as though she hates it and always lags behind, dragging her paws.
Unfortunately, all she wrote about tonight was true. It turned out to be a bad night for marching.

Friday, September 27, 2013


I'm SO bored!
I, Mabel, the Diva, am bored out of my head! I have stared at the walls of my house for days! I have paced around my back yard for hours at a time. I know every blade of grass and every weed. Even the bugs & ants in the backyard and I are on a first name basis.
No one has taken me out around the neighborhood in days. Days! 
How can a Diva thrive when she sees no one and nothing! How?!
Marching may not be my favorite thing to do, but suddenly, I crave marching! Please, Mama #2, put a rope around my neck and drag me all over the neighborhood! Let's march for miles and miles! I promise to march a little faster than usual (maybe 2.9 mile per hour instead of my usual 2. 7 miles per hour). I'll even pick up my paws instead of dragging them. 
Mama #2 won't know what to do if act like I want to march for a change!
I don't how to get her attention away from that new car she just brought home.
Is a new car more important than the physical and emotional welfare of your Diva?
Come on, let's get going! I can hardly wait to do some high-quality, high-speed marching through the neighborhood for miles and miles. Put the rope around my neck and let's go!
Please, Mama #2, let's go. Harley and Maggie may kill each other over a chewy stick if we don't do something soon! They are so bored that chewy sticks are the most important thing in their worlds now.
And that's pretty sad.
 Maggie is bored out of her head.
All Harley does is sit and stare. It's not natural.

Please Mama #2, take us out for a long forced march! We really, really need to get out of this house and go marching before we either die of boredom or start tearing up the house (or each other) for something to do!
Haven't you played with your new gadget long enough (the new car)?

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Interesting week

This is me, Mabel, hanging our in the backyard.
Hello all, this is me, Mabel, talking to you from my favorite spot on my couch. I haven't been here much lately because the Mamas have been gone almost every single night this week.
This means I have only been on one forced march this week. Mama #2 loves marching more than anything in the world, so I don't know what's going on.
This is what I do know.
Mama #2 was obsessed with her computer this past week. 
I mean, she stared at that thing every minute she was home when she wasn't taking me or my sister on a forced march (just 1 forced march! We always march every single night!). Every second she was home that she wasn't asleep, she stared at her computer. Then, a few days ago, she started going somewhere every night. She'd come home after dark and then she'd stare at her computer some more.
Some days she didn't even come home for lunch. Sometimes Mama #1 looked at Mama #2's computer and they'd talk. Actually, Mama #2 talked and Mama #1 secretly watched the "on" out of the corner of her eye (I just learned that the "on" is really called a "TV." I called it an "on" because they always talked about "Bones is ON," or "NCIS is ON." I guess they really meant whatever is "ON TV").
Anyway, Mama #2 was up to something. I know the signs. I figured she'd found another gadget. Some kind of big, expensive gadget, since she seemed to be trying to convince Mama #1 she needed it -- or maybe she was trying to convince herself. I don't know who she was convincing, but she was obsessed.
Yesterday afternoon, when Mama #2 came home she was really excited. I heard her and Mama #1 come in the front door and I ran over to say Hi. Mama #2 turned around and went right back outside. 
Very Rude.
I looked outside to see what she was up to (did she have a new gadget?)  I saw a strange car in the driveway. No one was in it, but Mama #2 was running around this car and fussing over it like it was one of my cat sisters (or a new gadget).
She even took pictures of it. She never takes pictures of anything except for me and my sisters (even the cat sisters). She never takes pictures of gadgets!
My big sister Maggie sneaked out the front door (she's a good sneaker) and watched closely. She took a good look at the strange car, then came in and said it looked just like the other car outside. I asked her where my car was (the one that takes me to see my doctor) and Maggie looked at me and walked away.

The strange car. Where my car? My cat sister, Sam, is investigating. 

Next, the Mamas got into the strange car and took off. After many hours, they came home (I missed another meal!)  Mama #2 stayed outside again with the strange car. She looked at it and opened and shut the doors at least fifty times. Then she sat inside it for awhile.
I don't understand; it's not a gadget but Mama #2 seems to be obsessed with it. It's just a car.
And where is my car? I liked riding in it. I liked hanging my head out the window and smelling all the strange smells. 
Now that Mama #2 lost my car and has this strange one, how will I go to see my doctor? Will she let me ride in it? Can I hang my head out the window like I used to? 
Will Mama #2 remain obsessed (totally!) with this car? Is this the end of her gadget craze? And her marching craze?
Oh, No!
Will she fill the front yard with cars the same way she's filled the house with gadgets? Will she keep ignoring me and hang out with that car every night?
Does this mean I will have the computer all to myself every night?
Have I gone on my last forced march?
Maybe this new car isn't a bad thing after all....
More later
Love y'all,
Note from Mama #2: I have a new Car! I have a new car! Mabel can ride in it if she behaves. Then again, maybe we'll walk to the vet when she needs to go. 
I love walking with my girls!
Mabel will start walking every night again soon.
Right after the thrill of my new car is gone.

Friday, September 20, 2013


This is not me, Mabel. It's a picture of my identical twin sister, Harley (Just in case you can't tell us apart).
It's hard to believe, but not much has been happening around here lately.
Yes, you'd think that excitement would follow a celebrity like me around, but that's not always true.
Let's see, I slept late today. I cuddled hard with Harley and told her to let me sleep. Harley could hardly stand to stay quiet, but she managed to not bark for a couple of hours (It was very, very hard for her to do. I'm very proud of her!).
This evening, I caught myself jumping around and whining before my forced march (Mama #2 calls it a walk. She forces me to go and puts a rope around my neck, so I call it a forced march.) I hate it when I jump and whine and ask to go marching, but it was perfect marching weather; not too hot, not too cold. We left at sunset, so it wasn't too dark, either (I hate to march in the dark).
We met an assassin dog tonight! That's right, an assassin dog! (An assassin dog is a dog without a human tied to him. They charge at me and try to kill me. It happens all the time to famous people). After my time away from my blog, the assassin dogs disappeared. I mean they vanished. When you're not famous -and nobody is reading exciting things about you, nobody tries to kill you. So, I was very happy to see the assassin dog tonight.  
I am a famous diva again!
Then late tonight, there was the bug that Mama #1 saw in the house. She said it was HUGE! (I was not allowed to see it; Mama #1 refused to let me in the room to take a look. Maybe it was an assassin bug. Maybe it would have tried to kill me).
Anyway, Mama #2 went in and looked at the huge bug, then tried to hit it with a shoe. The crafty bug jumped off the wall. It was probably trying to find me to kill me, so I hid under a blanket with Mama #1. Mama #2 looked and looked for the bug and I heard her spraying something. 
I don't how it happened, but Mama #2 somehow got this nasty, sticky stuff all over her hand. (It was an assassination attempt! I'm so glad the bug didn't find me!). She tried washing her hand and putting lots of different stuff on it, but it stayed very, very sticky.
I tried to tell her to put peanut butter on it, like she put on my paw when I stepped in the horrible sticky chewing gum stuff. No, peanut butter was good enough for me, but not good enough for her! (I hated the stuff; that's probably why she didn't use it. It's nasty stuff!).
She poured and washed and wiped her hand. She was at it for hours. (Hours!) I know it was hours, because she forgot to feed me! I require feeding every few hours or I would waste away to nothing.
Well, Mama #2 was at her wit's end (she could still laugh; it's just an expression). The nasty, sticky stuff would not come off. She finally went into the cat's room (I'm not allowed in there; she thinks I'll eat the cat's delicious food - and she's right!) and rummaged around until she found this really, really rough paper. She called it "sandpaper." She sat down and "sanded" her hand! She did it slowly and carefully. I watched her; she just sanded her skin (and the sticky stuff) off of her hand.
Simply amazing!
Well, I decided I was happy she only used the awful peanut butter on my paw when it was sticky and nasty. If she'd used that "sand paper," my beautiful, perfectly shaped paw could have been disfigured forever! (OK, it didn't hurt her hand and it got rid of the really, really sticky stuff, but that's besides the point!). She sandpapered her hand!
Anyway, with the sticky stuff gone and the evil, assassin bug killed, she could pet me and I could finally get my evening snooze in. And eat my dinner.
A diva has to have her dinner and get her beauty sleep.
That's all for today.
A Diva does not always have a fun and exciting life.
Maybe tomorrow I will have something exciting to write about.
Until then,
Love ya!
This is me, Mabel, and my twin sister, Harley, joyously running around our back yard. (I'm the one on the right, in case you can't tell us apart).

Note: Mama #2 forgot to wear gloves when she sprayed some foam filler into a small space the nasty bug crawled into. She carefully filled the small hole and encased the nasty bug in coffin of foam. The problem was, the foam stuff got on her hand and wouldn't come off. I don't recommend sanding it off, but when the guidelines on the label don't work, you do whatever you gotta do to get the sticky stuff off. (Mabel, you're grounded from the computer. No more blogging about things like this!).

Monday, September 16, 2013

Thanks for your support....

Thanks to you, dear readers and fans, Me, Mabel (on the left) and my twin sister Harley are lounging in the comfort of the living room once again.
Today, your Diva is humbled by the huge response of my fans to the totally unfair situation I found myself in this weekend. Yes, I am talking about the banishment of me and my sisters to the dog room after an unfortunate incident involving a straw hat.
Very Unfortunate.
You see, My dear twin sister Harley, was involved in the total destruction of a straw hat. She was, of course, encouraged by our older, wicked, stepsister Maggie. The two were literally caught with straw in their mouths by Mama #2. She immediately took pictures of the scene of the crime and of the two of them literally caught in the act of destruction.
I was an innocent bystander. The digital proof shows I was away from the crime, but I feared my future days (and evenings!) when the Mamas were gone would be spent locked in the dog room on the cold, hard floor. 
Even though the dog room allows easy access to the outside yard, it means I have no access to the comfy living room couch, the bedrooms with the soft beds and blankets, and the best windows of the house. 
I earned the right to free run of the house over many, many weeks of near perfect behaviors.
My fans expressed their outrage that I, innocent Mabel, would be punished for the crimes of others.
I heard from My Martha, who offered to be my lawyer. She wrote letters and made phone calls in my defensive (I love My Martha!!).
I heard from Fabio, a canine lawyer. (He wears a tie!!). He offered his services. (we're meeting for dinner and movie later. He has gorgeous eyebrows and a cure accent!).
 FABIO NAYLOR, JD. Canine Legal Associates.
 National and International.
 For all your legal needs, call Fabio. 
Specializing in Deviant Behavior claims, Dog Bites, Escaping claims.
 Remember: "Never trust a Canine Lawyer who does not wear a tie."
My Mamas heard from hundreds of you, my dear fans. Hundreds! Everywhere they went, someone stopped them and ask, "You're not really going to banish Mabel to the dog room, are you?" 
Some suggested the straw hat self-destructed.
One suggested the hat suicided.
Several suggested the involvement of my evil cat sister, Millie.
Reasonable doubt. All these scenarios raised reasonable doubt, in spite of the alleged digital evidence.
The Mamas listened to reason, and, here I am with my twin sister, Harley. We never spent a minute in the dog room (except to use it for outside access). We were not banished; not at all!
This is me, Mabel, giving my beloved twin sister (we're identical!) a kiss. Note we are on the comfy couch.
Thank you for your concern. Thank you for standing up for the Diva (and my guilty sisters).
I am secure in knowing that my days will always be spent on the comfy couch or the soft beds in the house.
My fans demand it.
My Lawyer demands it.
My public loves me.
Mabel the Diva Dachshund

This is my wicked stepsister, Maggie, making a fool of herself. She knows she should be banned to the dog room and she is celebrating her freedom. (Please note the shredded kleenex by her left paw).

Sunday, September 15, 2013


This is me, Mabel, feeling joyous and carefree. Little did I know that my beloved twin sister was inside ruining my reputation....
I am writing tonight with sad news. My sisters spent about an hour today ruining my reputation and my chances to spend my days relaxing on the comfy couch instead of on the hard, lonely floor of the dog room.
I am very sad.
Today, while the Mamas were gone (and they've been gone a lot lately!) I was outside playing with my toy duck. Inside, my twin sister Harley and my older sister, Maggie, were wrecking destruction.
Here's an after picture:
 Here are the remains of Harley and Maggie's wicked deed.

This morning, before the Mamas left, Mama #2 put some hats on the table by the couch. Then they left.
I don't know why she put them there, just like I don't know why Harley couldn't leave them alone.
I just know that, I'll never be trusted again --- although I was no where near the evil deed and destruction.
As I understand it, Harley spotted the hats. She saw a big, straw hat and she wanted to play with it.
She dragged all the hats off the table and put them on the floor. She started playing with the big straw hat, when Maggie decided to take it from her. Why? Because she is the big sister and, she thinks like all older sisters, that if she wants it, it should be hers (or so she thinks).
(I was outside playing with my toy duck or I would have stopped the destruction. Yes, I would have stood up to my evil, no good, older sister). 
Maggie and Harley threw the straw hat around. They played tug of war. The hat shredded. They threw around the straw. They must have had a great time destructing!
I knew nothing about it until Mama #2 came home. I heard her car, ran inside and saw the destruction just seconds before she did. 
She opened the door and stopped dead in her tracks (she wasn't really dead, it's just an expression). Then, she did what all good gadget freaks do; she reached for her camera. Yes, she took out her camera and got the digital evidence. 
I quickly thought about calling my Martha to ask her the name of a good lawyer. I was not involved and the pictures prove it. Why should I receive the same punishment as my evil sisters? (I know we will all be be banished to the dog room forever when the Mamas are gone!).
Maggie and Harley seemed oblivious to the trouble they were in. They kept on shredding and playing tug of war for the camera and for Mama #2.
And stupid!
Even after Mama #2 put down her camera and started to clean up the mess, Harley and Maggie continued to play with the remains of the hat. Harley even grabbed a piece of it out of Mama #2's hands!
 Harley and Maggie caught in the midst of destruction.
I Was Speechless.
And the Diva is rarely without words.
I stood far away, turned my back and munched on a chewy stick to prove that I was not involved. I, Mabel the Diva, did not lay a tooth on that hat. I did not even know the destruction was taking place. 
Tomorrow, when the Mamas leave and lock us all in the dog room, away from the comforts of our living room with comfy couches, and bedrooms with soft beds and warm blankets, I hope Harley and Maggie remember their evil deeds. 
They owe me a huge apology. I mean, I did nothing wrong. The photos prove it. Why should I be banned from my favorite sleeping spots?
And Maggie. What was she thinking? She knows better! And she is the one most likely to slide up by Mama #2 and ask if she can stay out in the living room to sleep in her special bed. I could just kick Harley for being so stupid! (I would really kick her, it's not just an expression). And Maggie! I cannot put in words (especially not on the internet where anyone could see it) what I want to do to her!!
That's my sad story. 
I may not be able to blog during the day while the Mamas are gone for awhile.
I doubt Mama #2 will let me take the laptop into the dog room when she leaves tomorrow. 
Maggie and Harley continue their destruction even though Mama #2 is taking photos for evidence. Please note that I, Mabel, am not involved in the destruction. In fact, I am walking away, horribly embarrassed by their actions.
Here I am, Mabel, laying on the cold, hard floor, with my chewy stick and my toy duck. 
I am the good twin, Harley is the evil twin. And Maggie is, of course, the wicked stepsister!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Re: I'm Stunned

this is me, harley. i am taking over today.

hi, this is harley, mabel the diva's twin sister. she will not blog today because she is too upset. right now, she is in the back room under some covers, sulking.
our mailbox is full. it's full of angry emails. mabel's fans think she bullies me. They are very mad at her.
mabel bully me? never. she never hurts me or mistreats me.
here we are the night we arrived home. see how protective i am of mabel? i kept watch that first night while she slept.

we are twins, identical twins --- mabel always says. that means we're really one dog, half diva and half regular dog. mabel (she's not reading this, is she?) sometimes exaggerates. she loves me very, very much. she really doesn't steal my treats or food. just once in a while she tries. when she tries to take my stuff, we wrestle, just like sisters do. sometimes i let her win and sometimes i don't.
here i am, attacking my sister. we play really, really hard.
please mabel's fans, quit picking on her for picking on me. she is just a normal sister and i jump on her as much as she jumps on me.
we still sleep with our paws wrapped around each other every night. 
isn't there a song about "don't come between me and my sister"? 
ok, i don't like it when she talks about my anxiety. it makes me feel kinda anxious. if you want to write about something, tell her leave my anxiety alone.
here's one last picture.see how we love each other?
here we are, sleeping on the couch together. mabel has her paw on me (she's on the right).

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I'm stunned.....

Here I am with my identical twin sister, Harley. She's the one on the left, in case you can't tell us apart.
It's been a long, hard day. The events of the day have left me simply stunned.
Speechless (almost).
What could have happened to leave the Diva without words, you ask?
It's simply horrifying and inexplainable.
My dear, beloved twin sister turned on me tonight.
Yes, tonight, I reached for Harley's chewy stick after I hid mine (to munch on later), and she refused to give it to me.
My sister has never refused anything I asked. She never minds sharing her food, her water, her treats or her chewy sticks with me. Until tonight.
I don't know what happened. Today had been a day much like any other day. I woke up this morning on top of Harley; she's very comfy to sleep on. I got up and ate my breakfast, then nudged Harley away from her food bowl (Harley didn't mind) and finished the rest of her breakfast.
Then, we went outside to play and lay in the sun. I took the pecan that Harley sniffed out and ate it (Harley didn't mind), then I told her to move out of my favorite sunning spot. Of course, Harley moved immediately, since she knows I prefer to sleep in just that one place (the Best Place!).
Once inside, I asked Maggie nicely if she would give me my favorite place on the bed and she refused. (Maggie never does what I ask her to do). So I told Harley to move out of her spot on the bed and she glad moved (Harley loves me so much she used to do whatever I asked her to do). After a good snooze, I got up and greeted Mama #2 as she came home for lunch and gladly ate the treat she gave me. Then I finished Harley's treat, because she never likes to finish her food/treats by herself (she is soooo generous! But, that's sisterly love).
I laid on Mama #2's lap, and playfully pushed Harley away every time she tried to climb onto Mama #2's lap with me (she's such a joker! She knows there's only room for the Diva on Mama #2's lap).
This afternoon, everything went the way it always does, Maggie was her usual rude self and I had to jump on Harley to calm down after Maggie took my rawhide (Jumping on Harley relaxes me; Harley doesn't mind).
Our forced march went well. Everyone went marched by were so amazed by the sight of  identical twins, marching in perfect step. Everyone told us how wonderful we looked. (And that we (me!) will be famous one day!).
When we returned home, Mama #2 passed out the treats. Once again, I finished mine, then ate Harley's (she, of course, did not mind).
But when Mama #1 passed out the chewy sticks, I hide mine (as usual) then went over to take Harley's. SHE TOLD ME NO!!! Yes, you read that correctly; my wonderful, selfless sister selfishly told me to take a hike and leave her chewy stick alone (She didn't really mean for me to take another forced march, but she did mean for me to leave her alone).
I'm shocked. I'm speechless. What has happened to my sweet, wonderful, sharing sister?
I'm sure that by tomorrow, everything will be back to normal. In fact, she looks a little guilty now. I think I'll go over and take her chewy stick now.
I'm sure she won't mind.
Here is my beloved, formerly selfless sister (on the left. It's obvious which one she is by the horrible, selfish look on her face). I am the twin on the right, looking relaxed and sad after my sister refused to share with me.

Monday, September 9, 2013

A Tale from Maggie

My big sister Maggie. She's very, very smart, but she's no storyteller.
My Sister, Maggie has a story to tell. She wanted to write it herself, but she's not into detail or drama. I told her that I'd tell it first, then she could re-tell herself.
So, as you know, my sister Maggie goes on her forced marches everynight by herself. Harley and I go marching first, then Maggie gets her "a loan time" with Mama #2 when they go out for a very looong march. They usually come back long after dark, and Maggie looks very tired, but very self-satisfied.
And, I've told you about how, Mama #2 has to put my cat sisters, Millie and Agnes, back into the house every night when we walk, or else they'd follow us. Sometimes, Mama #2 lets Agnes walk a block or so with us, then walks us all back home. Agnes follows, but she doesn't have a rope around her neck. She runs through yards, climbs fences, and generally does everything I'd like to do but can't.
Anyway, the other night, Harley and I went on our march first. We had to wait while Mama #2 chased down both Millie and Agnes and put them back in the house. We marched to the school and walked around on the many scented grass. I love marching around the school. (I love the park, too, but it really stresses Harley out. There's too many smells, too many people, too many dogs, and too much noise. Harley loses it and almost kills herself barking).
When Mama #2 took us home, Maggie was ready to go. She bonzied off the back of the couch and groveled (my interpretation of her disgusting actions) until Mama #2 put the rope around her neck and shut the door behind them.
Now, I only have Maggie's word about what happened next, and she's not the most reliable source, so keep an open mind.
Anyway, Maggie and Mama #2 took off jogging towards the park. Maggie says she's very special and she and Mama #2 cover lots of ground on thier marches (So, I think they jog or run the entire time). Maggie says she immediately sensed a cat presence behind them and tried to alert Mama #2. Mama #2 was 'way too busy loving on Maggie to notice anything else (I think Maggie may be exaggerating a little here....). 
They ran and ran. Maggie says she kept turning around and looking for the cat presence, but Mama #2 did what she always does, she just said, "keep on marching."
Well, they had run almost the entire way to the park (3 quarters of a mile, says Mama #2's gadget -- she's a gadget freak!) when a scrawny little cat charges past them. Mama #2 stopped dead in her tracks (She wasn't really dead; it's just an expression). She stopped and stared at the scrawny little cat. Yes, it was Agnes! Agnes had jogged along behind them the entire way! 
Maggie sat down and nuzzled Agnes in the way only a big sister dog can nuzzle. Agnes looked at Mama #2 and said, "Meow." I'm sure she said more, but Maggie's grasp on cat talk is very, very poor. Mama #2 almost panicked  with Agnes being so far from home, but Maggie held them all together (that's an expression too. It means, Maggie was emotionally vacant and calmed Mama #2 down so that she could get Agnes home safely).
Maggie started to slowly march towards home and called out to Agnes to follow. Agnes ran ahead and investigated the yards she hadn't been able to examine on her way to the park, because she was too busy running after Mama #2 to stop and sniff anything. Agnes says she had a great time and didn't go anywhere she hadn't been before, but seeing her down by the park really rattled Mama #2. Agnes says she won't let Mama #2 see her next time she follows them to the park, but she just couldn't resist running by this time.
Mama #2 just picked Agnes up when they got home and carried her to the couch and cuddled her long and hard on the couch. She told her to be careful and not to roam too far from home. 
OK, here's Maggie with her version of events:
Hi All, Maggie here. A couple of nights ago, Agnes followed Mama #2 and I on a walk. Mama #2 finally saw her when we got to the park. Mama #2 made us turn around and walk home. 
End of story. 
(What's the big deal? Why'd you want to tell everyone this story, Mabel? It seems kinda boring to me....)
That's my big sister, Maggie!
Love y'all!
Mabel the Diva Dachshund
Here I am, trying hard not to laugh at Maggie's version of events

Sunday, September 8, 2013

I'm Back!

This is me, Mabel. (in case you've forgotten what I look like). I've not been able to blog for awhile, but I'm back now.
Hi everyone, Mabel here, your favorite Diva. I've not been able to blog for quite awhile. Mama #2, my Mama and notorious internet addict, has blocked my access to the internet for several weeks now. 
I have tried to take control of the laptop many different times, but Mama #2 would not relinquish it until I plopped my butt down on the keyboard tonight. 
Yes, it was an astonishing move, but I was desperate, and it worked! Mama #2 put down her computer after I sat on it, tail and all. 
Let's get down to blog business and catch up.
As you can tell by my picture, I am restored to perfect health.
Much has been happening around here. Mama #1 left early one morning with Mama #2. When they got home, Mama #1 couldn't see too well and had something over her eye. She slept alot and then watched the "on" all the time for a week or so (more about the "on" later). Mama #2 was pretty nice to her at first, but then she got really grouchy and snappy. (I don't know why she got so grouchy; I rather liked having Mama #1 home all the time). Now, Mama #2 drives Mama #1 somewhere every day and then drives her home again. I don't know where they go, but they leave every day together. 
And, I am proud to announce, Harley and I have earned the privilege of  NOT getting locked in the dog room when the Mamas leave. We have shown ourselves to be perfectly trustworthy and have only shredded a few things over the past couple of weeks.
Maggie continues to go on forced marches by herself, getting "a loan time" with Mama #2. Harley and I now have to go on forced marches together. It's actually kind of nice to march without my beloved, stuck-up, know it all, older sister (Can you tell we don't get along too well?). I know she loves marching without me and Harley, because she tells us, every chance she gets.
As far as our marching, there have been no sightings of assassin dogs for weeks now. I suppose that, since I've been unable to blog (darn you, Mama #3009!), my popularity has waned, and no one feels the need to dispose of me.
Well, I'm back! I can get on the computer anytime now by simply planting my butt on the keyboard! Mama #2 can't stand it and lets me have the computer right away! Ha!
Interestingly, I have noted a dramatic increase in two wheeled transport devices, "bicycles", on the streets during my forced marches. Sometimes, they even have a dog attached! 
Very strange!
I used to see two, maybe three on a march, but now I see that many "bicycles" in the first block or two. They are everywhere!
And dogs. I see many, many dogs out on forced marches (and forced runs, too!) every night. All have ropes around their necks and are marching (or running) with their humans.
I thought Mama #2 was the only one with a weird attachment to forced marching. I guess it's a human disease, and it appears to be spreading fast! 
Mama #1 hasn't caught this disease yet, but it's only a matter of time. 
Does that mean I'll have to march every night with both Mamas? Since Mama #1 can't see too well now, I guess I'll have to go to a special training for "seeing eye divas." Won't I look great leading my Mama along out on the streets with my sister cats Agnes and Millie (they love to march) following along behind us?
I was meant to be a couch Diva or a front yard Diva; not a marching Diva or a seeing eye Diva. 
My preferred specialty is lap Diva.
Anyway, back to tonight's forced march; I saw something very strange and I didn't like it at all.
First, I need to add that the Mamas have been staring at the "on" every evening. (You know, the "on." Mama #1 says, "I wonder what's on?" then she stares across the room at this thing. Then she'll say something like, "Bones is on" or "NCIS is on." Then she'll stare at the "on" for a long time).
This week, something called "football" has been on the "on." It's really strange; these people wear thick pads all over their bodies and run and hit each other. I just turned my back when they watched it and didn't think too much about it. I thought it was kind of boring.
Now, tonight when I was out marching, I saw three small people running around chasing a ball in a yard. They were wearing the same kind of thick pads all over their bodies. I stared. I admit it, I stared. They ran around, then one threw himself at one of the other people. 
He flew through the air and hit him. Hard. Right in the middle of the back. Crunch.
It's wrong to hit someone.
I didn't notice any hitting when the Mamas were staring at the "ON," but these little people were throwing themselves at each other and hitting each other. Hard.
Then they hit the ground. Harder.
And they laughed.
I didn't like it.
I didn't like it at all.
I barked.
I barked and told them to stop. Harley joined me (She'll join anyone who barks. She's such a joiner!) and she even raised the fur on her back.
Mama #2 made us march faster and pulled us away from the people hitting each other.
I thought it was very rude. You know, first the hitting, then the pulling. 
Mama #2 didn't seem to think the hitting was wrong, and didn't like us barking at them and telling them it's wrong.
Maybe Mama #2 likes watching people throwing themselves through the air and hitting each other just to take away their ball. 
Maybe Harley and I should try doing that. Throwing ourselves at each other over a ball.
Nah. It's not worth it for a ball. A toy duck maybe, but not a ball.
Until next time,
Your Diva, 
 Me and my identical twin sister, Harley, playing with our duck (I'm on the left, in case you can't tell us apart).
 Of course, I won. This is me, Mabel, with my duck.
I do share everything with my beloved twin sister, Harley. (she's on the right, in case you can't tell us apart. We're identical, you know). I even share my toy duck. Please notice that we did not throw ourselves at each other, but we still had a great time playing. Those padded people could learn a lot from Harley and me.
Maybe they don't have a duck to play with.